apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize