I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize