I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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