hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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