cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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