that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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