im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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