"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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