apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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