Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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He felt like a one man threesome
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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