I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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