Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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