They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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