I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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