This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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