So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize