I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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