It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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