tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize