They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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