It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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