just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize