i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize