His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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