Plan B is the new Plan A
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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