i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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