when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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