Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize