Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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