did you get engaged???
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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