hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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