My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize