Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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