I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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