capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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