You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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