Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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