I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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