If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize