hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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