Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize