Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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