I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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