Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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