Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize