she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize