Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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