You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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