Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize