im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize